Some Gave All - My Part Looks Different

Growing up, I thought I'd be a missionary. Well, actually, at first I thought I'd be a singing nun and a missionary (think Julie Andrews) but my mom discouraged it on the basis that I wasn't Catholic. So I revised my vision to that of a married Protestant missionary.

I combed religious periodicals at the library and wrote down the names of missionary training schools. I schemed ways to raise money. I spoke to every missionary who visited our small church and saved my pennies for missionary causes. I could see myself with my wild-haired, bare-footed children in the wilds of Borneo or Honduras, translating the Bible into indigenous languages. I imagined my bed draped with mosquito netting as I patiently combed the knots out of my daughter's wild mane with a primitive looking comb. I saw myself washing clothes in a river on rocks alongside the locals, my baby tied securely to my back with piece of woven cloth.  I imagined visits home as my children, unused to civilization and with unfamiliar shoes strangling their feet, clung to me with uncertainty in the airports as my family ecstatically embraced my tan, fit self. This, I was certain, was my future.

Instead, I went to a nearby university, dropped out after only a year, earned my "M.R.S. degree" instead and began adult life in the concrete jungle in Houston, Texas. It took me years to stop accusing myself of selling out. I thought the only way I could share my faith was, in short, to sacrifice myself to it.

In truth, there was a lot I did not know about my mission. Throughout my life I have gotten glimpses of my calling, sometimes in crystal clear blasts and sometimes, "as through a glass, darkly." In 1984, I got such a blast and for the first time articulated my calling "to be an advocate for children." In the 30 years since, that calling has woven through my life, manifesting in myriad ways creative enough  to be the handiwork of only the Great Artist. Right now, it is manifest not only in the raising of my beautiful family but in my work with Special Ed kids in a Functional Communication Classroom.

But I digress. On Sunday, all of this came tumbling back to me as Father Uche reminded us that we know not what the future holds, but each of us has a mission and it is ours -- and ours alone -- to say YES to. For some that looks like being an alter server, for some it is a lean-to in the wilds of Borneo. I think about soldiers, giving all. I think about doctors fighting Ebola at the cost of their lives. I think (and think and think) about martyrs and saints and Mother Teresa and oh yes, I do wish I was more like her!

For some, it is dramatic and public and heroic. For me, it seems to be less so.  I don't know if I will be called on to give my life for my faith and ideals;  I like to think I would in fact do so willingly and joyfully, but honestly, I don't know. I do know that for now, my call is to  live out the gospel --in a way that is hopefully both evoking and inviting --while advocating for children. It's certainly not easy, but it's not complicated either.  It living life purposefully day by day, moment by moment, all the while praying that the "good" is outweighing the "bad" often enough to make a difference.

May God give me the grace to do just that.

Formula One and Giving

Dear Friends:

Here is a chance for you to "give back." If you volunteer, you will doubtless run into my dear hubby.

--------------------------
The Knights of Columbus Chapter in the Diocese of Austin has an excellent opportunity to raise funds

for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Austin Office of Pro-Life Activities and Chaste Living. They need your

help.

Sodexo, the food Vendor for the Circuit Of the Americas (COTA), has generously offered the chance to

staff some of their concession stands for the Formula One Race. In return they will be making a lot of

money for Pro Life. If we do a good job, more opportunities with them will come our way.

We need contact information for 450 volunteers by 8/29/2014


These funds are being donated to our Diocese Office of Pro Life and Chaste Living. This office supports a

myriad of ministries in the Austin Diocese; Project Rachael, Sidewalk Ministries, Gabriel Project, Pro-Life

Helpline, Natural Family Planning, Catechesis on Human Love Certification the UT. Party for Life, Texas

Catholic Pro Life Day, the Coordination of Parish Pro-Life Committees, Culture of Life Speakers Bureau,

and much more.

Could you please send your contact information to austinknightsf1@gmail.com, or call/text (512) 387-

0337 right away. Please let us know which of the 3 days you can work. If you can work all three, that

would be great!!

The Formula One race is in October 31st, November 1st & 2nd. You can work any or all of the 3 days.

Our shift will start around 4:00 am, with most going home at 7 pm, though some of us will be going

home around 8 Pm. All are encouraged to obtain their TABC License. This can be received online for

$12.00. It takes approximately 2 hours online. See link.


There is also a Mandatory Food Certification Required.

http://texasfoodsafetytraining.com/product/5-austin-food-handler-card-city-of-austin-registration/


Volunteers must be at least 15 years old. You must be at least 18 years old to sell alcohol (with a TABC

license, of course).


Most will work in the food stands, which also sells alcohol. A few will work in the beverage stands.

Parking, breakfast & lunch will be provided. There will also be breaks during the day. Of course, there

will be no entry charge.

God Bless You and Yours,

Knights of Columbus

For Anyone Struggling as I Am . . .

I have been quiet here of late, a sign that I have been struggling, faith-wise. I have one child who was just confirmed and is for the first time truly developing her life of faith, and another who has turned away from her faith.

This has left me wavering in the gap. My hubby is often resistant to going to church, it's a pain with the little ones and we are way, way too busy with ball. Ball is coming to an end this week for all but Sunshine, so that will help. Really, though, what is needed is my own resolve. I am being tested on many fronts and frankly, failing.

I've often wondered how I would have stacked up to the early Christians, who were tested at every turn and under constant threat of torture and death for living their faith. I am grateful for the privileges I have as an American; I am free to worship as I choose. 

Nonetheless, I totally forgot Mass yesterday. No, I'm not kidding. Our routine was weird because Dear Hubby was out of town (a very rare occurrence) and Pepper was cooking me Mother's Day breakfast. On Saturday, I'd gone to bed with a vague thought of going to 9:30 or 11:30, depending on breakfast timing. On Sunday, my mind was a blank. I remembered around 5:00 when I was helping Pepper get dinner started and it was almost time for my MIL to come over and also too late for Sunday evening Mass.

I therefore woke up today accusing myself of being a failure. I am so disappointed in  myself in this fourth week of Easter. Yet as I sat here, reading the readings and listening to my Mother's Day gift of Angels and Saints at Ephesus, I had to take heart. I remembered one of my memory verses from long ago, this from Second Timothy, 2:11-13:

This saying is trustworthy:

If we have died with him

we shall also live with him;

if we perservere

we shall also reign with him;

But if we deny him

he will deny us.

If we are unfaithful

He remains faithful,

For he cannot deny himself.

If you are likewise struggling, dear friends, take heart. We stand at the crossroads of Grace and Mercy. The only wrong turn now is to leave the road.

God is not dead. He has risen as He said and remains faithful. The Good Shepherd longs for us to return and reside in his heart of hearts. May God bless us all in this Fourth Week of Easter and may the angels and saints indeed intercede on our behalf to hasten our return to his good and loving arms.

Persevering

I may have mentioned that my new favorite blog is "Mama Knows, Honeychild." I just love it. She's quite funny, but also most inspirational.

So if you are finding it hard to persevere in whatever impossible/crazy/weird/unseemly/impractical goal/Lenten Sacrifice/New Year's Resolution you have set for yourself, run, do not walk to this post by Mama Knows.

I know, I am very behind on my blog reading. This one is actually from July of last year. But do not let that dissuade you.  This is me before I read this post:

(This will all make sense to you after you read Mama Knows' blog)

and this is me AFTER I read it.



You know you need some inspiring. Go.  No really, go. Now!









Are you still here? GO!

The Measure with Which I Measure

Today as I sat down to peruse the readings, I encountered one of my favorite -- and most challenging -- passages in the gospel. This text on mercy fits my new year's "mercy theme" and lives where I do.

It is helpful to be reminded that living with forgiveness really isn't enough. The state of mercy is not only a reactive state. Mercy is also proactive. It is not enough to forgive those who have "wronged me," I am called to "love your (my) enemies" and "pray for those who persecute you (me)." It gets tougher: I am called to "offer no resistance to one who is evil."

Even in Leviticus, we the faithful were exhorted to "bear no hatred" for our brother and sister; and of course to "Love your neighbor as yourself."

There is a parallel to today's gospel from Matthew in Luke (6:27-38) and I have always particularly loved this ending section of the passage:

Give and gifts will be given to you; 
A good measure, packed down, shaken together and overflowing
will be poured into your lap; 
For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you. (6:38)

It's such a hopeful passage! Give and it will be given to you! And so easy to forget the instructions that come before it: Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you, judge not, lest you be judged.

What is the "measure" with which I measure? Is it a measure of generosity? Is it a measure of forgiveness? Is is a measure of proactive mercy?

That is surely the measure I need poured into my lap, one of generosity and non-judgmental-ism and
forgiveness. Food for thought!

I'll let Mother Theresa finish the thought:

Considering it ALL Joy (Say, What?)

Thought for the day:
Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters,
when you encounter various trials,
for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
And let perseverance be perfect,
so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

(James 1: 2-4)

This is one of the hardest precepts in Christian thought, to "consider it all joy . . . when (we) encounter various trials." There are times we do it, right?  Particularly in times of crisis, such as losing a loved one, we are able to find our "Yes" and know that God is at work in us. 

It's the every day trials in which we find ourselves struggling: When a teenager is surly, or our boss is unfair, or our toddler is whiny, that is where the rubber meets the road. It's so easy to be surly myself, or retaliatory, or -- yes -- whiny. It's hard, hard to "consider it all joy." 

There are times I rise to the occasion, no question. Yet in the rhythm of the day, the ordinary cadence of daily life, it's easy to fall into a habit of complaining and unhappiness. It's hard to remember that I need that testing of my faith to grow my perseverance and that all of it is the refining fire, perfecting in me my finest and noblest self. And to remember, as Paul told the Romans, that "all things work together for good to them that love God" (8:28).

The first step in getting to that place where it is all "work(ing) together for good" is to accept what is, to grab hold of that joy, albeit at times elusive. In working to accept the things we want to push away, in clearing out the relentless chatter in our brains and looking deep in our hearts, we find the joy and from there, grow the perseverance. 

I cannot say it better than Paul did for the Romans: 

Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance,
and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope,
and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us. 

(Romans 5:3-4)

So take heart today --whatever your trials -- and know that you are not alone. We are together in the struggle to grow our faith through joy and then through perseverance. Blessings on your day.

[If you happened to notice that the "thought for the day" is really the thought for yesterday, you get one bonus point!]

The Art of Dying Well

Van Dyke's "Saint Rosalie"

I just finished St. Robert Bellarmine's The Art of Dying Well. In the middle ages, books and art on death reflected the preoccupation of the times and the saint weighs in with a fully Christian perspective.Written in 1619, it is certainly a relevant work for today. It is a challenging topic because the author's squirm-in-your-seat premise is that dying well requires living well.

In his dedication, the saint himself says that "this book does not contain a philosophical or oratorical or poetic art which might . . . delight the ears . . but to meditation on death and thinking about things which are not generally pleasing to men, such as poverty, humility, patience and other true Christian virtues."  I almost laugh at this sentence because where I grew up, we'd put it this way: "You've quit preaching and gone to meddling."

It is a challenging book because Bellarmine constantly shores up his arguments for living as well as possible with proofs from the gospels and a good many saintly authors. It is difficult to live well and the author does not lead us to believe otherwise, but he also points out that the teachings of the patriarchs and apostles can guide us. As well the Holy Spirit is at hand and able to deliver us from our trials and difficulties in this regard.

He tackles the stuff that is the fodder of our daily life: dying to the world, moral virtues, the "unmasked error of the rich," prayer and fasting, and finally the sacraments, ending with the sacrament of extreme unction. The saint says, "From it we derive a highly useful lesson, not only for the end of life but for it's whole course."  (Not) coincidentally, my reading this last chapter coincided with my receiving the Anointing of the Sick in mass on Saturday.

Bellarmine really gets to meddling in that last chapter when he points out how many of our sins start with our senses and also how easy they are to avoid if we choose to avoid them. He talks about lust, gluttony, drunkenness, flattery, malice, envy, laziness -- yes, full on to meddling.

This book was both convicting and inspiring. It is a good argument for living the Christian life, even if dying well is not your personal major concern. While it is a book written from a Catholic perspective, there is little that is specifically Catholic. Any serious Christian would find it worthy of consideration. Give it a read; I'd love to hear your thoughts.

The Story of David and Dreena, and a Share of Discomfort

Since Christmas, the daily readings have been giving us the condensed version of the saga of King David. I love that these "David" stories come to us right after Christmas, when our New Year's resolutions help us keep up with the daily scriptures.

King David is alternately hero and scoundrel in these tales and well, so much like me. His crown is often tarnished! It's easy for me to be disappointed when David does something unthinkable -- a la Bathsheba -- or shows a profound lack of faith, as when he numbers the troops. "Disappointment" would be better characterized as discomfort, in truth. I am at "ill at ease" when David is so human. He exercises poor judgment, he is power-happy and greedy, he's impulsive, he's selfish . . . like me. Yuck.

Yet there is so much redemption in these stories. David always realizes his mis-step and gets back on the path to God. He shows great willingness to atone for his mis-deeds and a lot of character in owning up to them. Of course David didn't have the benefit of a Savior, so his penance came in the form of pretty severe consequences, some of which were also visited on his people. [An aside, I love the part where David chooses the consequence and then God, in His mercy, stops the destruction before the appointed time. Isn't that just like God?]

I am confident that when God chose David to shepherd His flock, He was fully aware of David's shortcomings. He had faith in him nonetheless.

What a poignant reminder this is for me. I am going to continue to make mis-steps and mistakes; at times I will turn my back on my calling and flagrantly rebel against my Lord and Savior. It always surprises me but I don't think it really surprises God. My part is to notice, to repent, to seek forgiveness and to strive to do better in the future.

If you have not had time recently to review this story of David, it bears a look-see. Maybe there is a little of David in all of us.

(The story begins with the January 21 Old Testament reading of 1 Samuel 16 and continues to today, February 6 in 2 Kings chapter 2)

Good News, Good News!

From today's gospel:
“Go home to your family and announce to them
all that the Lord in his pity has done for you.”  (Mark 5:19)

I am so greatly blessed in my life and while I count my blessings all the time, I seldom announce them to my family.

Hear ye, hear ye!

The Lord has had great pity on me! He saved me from a self-absorbent and self-destructive young adulthood by putting in my path friends and leaders of great faith and compassion so many I decided against listing them here!

He healed my scars.

He provided ample bounty even though quite often I was without hope.

He led me to a group of friends who led me to Austin and eventually to my Dear Hubby.

He has allowed me the freedom to make mistakes (so many mistakes, often big ones) and learn from them. This is true grace.

He granted me the large family I always wanted and sent just the right children to me. Each of my beautiful children is both gift and teacher to me every single day. (Even when I don't see it!)

He has saved my life numerous times, at least twice in the last 9 months.

He has allowed me to struggle. This is the foundation of my growth.

He has mercy on me, a often bumbling but well-intentioned ambassador, and offers me countless times of forgiveness and innumerable do-overs.

He gives me hope.

This is just the short list.

 I
am
so
very
grateful.

Mercy

Mercy is a recurring theme in my life right now. For instance, today I sat down to do my devotional time and accidentally read next week's readings instead of today's. Yeah. I've been reading next week all week. The theme for next Thursday (spoiler alert!) is mercy. I only discovered the mishap when I pulled them up online to provide links for my blog. Whoops.

Yesterday, I was notified that someone had linked to one of my posts on Adoption.com, this one from Lent called "Bearing Wrongs Patiently." I reread the post and remembered how much we got out of that experience and vowed to re-run it this year.

All of this of course led me to wonder where there is a lack of mercy in my life. It didn't take long. The real question is where is there not a lack of mercy? "Mercy" is an easy thing to agree with and a challenging way of life. It's easier, often, to be judgmental, impatient, and unforgiving. That's what the world teaches, right? "Every man for himself" is the motto of the day and consensus consciousness agrees. The "me culture" of the 1970s is the one I grew up in and it is hard to overcome. "Self first and self foremost" is "normal."

Mercy is something else altogether. According to the Catechism,
The works of mercy are charitable actions by which we come to the aid of our neighbor in his spiritual and bodily necessities. Instructing, advising, consoling, comforting are spiritual works of mercy, as are forgiving and bearing wrongs patiently. The corporal works of mercy consist especially in feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and imprisoned, and burying the dead.  (2447)

The Corporal Works of  Mercy are definitely easier for me than the Spiritual Works of Mercy. I am quick to judge and slow to notice. The Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 5, has lots to say about this. "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy" (5:7) is just a starting point. I could write a treatise on the many teachings on mercy in this one chapter alone. In fact, since I have apparently already read all of next week's readings (duh!), I will dedicate next week's devotional time to just that, a small treatise on mercy as expressed in Matthew, Chapter 5.

Can you tell I'm working on fulfilling one of my New Year's resolutions? In particular, I'm working on the one to do with relationships, "Love with passion, live with forgiveness." Sometimes the words need wheels on them! Stay tuned . . .

PS - Please share with me your favorite thoughts or expressions on the subject of mercy.

Something from Nothing

St. Robert Bellarmine speaks often of how God made "something from nothing" when he created us. Thus, Tuesdays' gospel, the Feeding of the Five Thousand, stood out to me.

Jesus, who had already been sent as "expiation for our sins" also managed to demonstrate to us that God -- and God alone -- can make something of nothing. It is a tremendous encouragement to me!

This little offering I have, this little bit that I fear is not enough, actually is something. It is a couple of measly fish and some tired loaves of bread but it is something. God can use my offering and multiply it as he chooses.

My part is not to judge it or belittle it or even to grow it, only to give it freely, fully and without reservation. I always want to complicate things -- to do more, to be more -- but it's not complicated. I offer what I have because that is how we love one another.

"Beloved, let us love one another because love is of God."

Love loud! Today is the day.