And do not grieve the holy Spirit of God, with which you were sealed for the day of redemption.
All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting and revling must be removed from you, along with all malice.
[And] be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.
Every day, this is my testing ground. Why does it so often seem easier to be cynical, surly, or a sourpuss? It isn't actually easier of course, but sin often looks easier, doesn't it?
I am normally nice to strangers -- helpful, friendly, compassionate, even. It is so much harder at home. It's hard not to hold resentment, especially the unnoticed little niggling annoyances that simmer and grow just beneath the surface. You know the ones: the kid who leaves her shoes in the middle of the entryway, again; the well-meaning aunt who calls every day at supper time; the little one who seems to argue every time I open my mouth.
These little "annoyances", unnoticed and unchecked, grow quickly into animosity and resentment. One day I wake up and a big, mean monster is on my shoulder, pecking away at my patience and growling at everyone.
Yet today's second reading really speaks to it, doesn't it? "All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice" (italics mine).
Oops. I have to be compassionate and forgiving, or I am grieving the Holy Spirit. If I choose to hold resentment, I am choosing to sin.
Yet we all know it is not as easy as deciding to be compassionate. In order to forgive, I must first notice and clear the resentment:
- The first step is letting go of my need to be right and allowing myself to be vulnerable.
- In order to do that, I have to truly own up to what I am getting out of the resentment, the payoff, as it were.
- Then before I can finally be free, I also have to take a candid look at what the grudge is costing me in terms of my peace of mind, my integrity, my mental and physical health, even my finances.
- Then and only then can I fully forgive and finally be free.
- Lastly, I have to make choices about how I will make amends and how I can avoid falling into the same trap of resentment again.
What is truly amazing to me is that nowhere in this process nor in the directive from Ephesians does it say, "forgive if the other person is right" or "forgive if the kid is not actually annoying you" or "forgive if you are completely to blame." It simply (and solely) says, "forgiving one another as Christ forgave you," which was wholly, completely, unconditionally and undeserved. So . . . it's all about me. It's all on my side; it's my work to do.
If it sounds like a lot of work well, on the face of it, it is. In the end -- and it is a little hard to admit this -- forgiveness is actually the easier path. Resentment is like a rock carried on the shoulders; it weighs us down and hunches us over. It gets us all scrunched up on the inside. It's a cancer that slowly eats away at that within us that truly lives to love. In other words, it steals our souls.
Forgiveness is the life-giving water. It is the stream that courses through the desert and deeply refreshes. It's the path that looks thorny, rocky and steep at first, but turns out to be the short-cut to paradise.
But definitely don't take my word for it, taste it for yourself. You'll be back to drink from the wellspring of forgiveness again!
Post Script (thanks, Aunt Kathy):
The thing I forgot to say is what comes after all of this. When I notice my resentment, handle it and own it -- then and only then, I get to have gratitude for all that I have. And you know, I have a lot. A lot of love, a lot of kids, a beautiful home, a great hubby and family. As long as I'm thinking my unhappiness is someone else's fault, then I am not getting to be grateful for my many blessings!
Post Script (thanks, Aunt Kathy):
The thing I forgot to say is what comes after all of this. When I notice my resentment, handle it and own it -- then and only then, I get to have gratitude for all that I have. And you know, I have a lot. A lot of love, a lot of kids, a beautiful home, a great hubby and family. As long as I'm thinking my unhappiness is someone else's fault, then I am not getting to be grateful for my many blessings!
